I've tried to get around to as many species as possible on this blog, but it's really hard to keep up with all the smart-ass explorers that go into places like volcanos and obscure unexplored mountains and discover, like, seven thousand new species in a day. So to stem the tide, I've put together a post that covers a lot of the really dangerous new species that these Darwin-dick riders have shoved in our faces, just to get them out of the way and move onto the serious problem areas.
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Hey buddy, nice head. What, were all the proportional heads taken? I did a little math, and even if I lost one leg,
I'd still have 100% more legs than you. So suck on that.
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The olive sunbird, huh? Fuck you.
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Hey, loser:
YOU LIVE IN A FUCKING CRATER. Get a job, free loader.
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You think just because you're iridescent, you can get away with being a beetle. You know what else is iridescent?
THIS FUCKING SHARK.
Yes, I realize it's a catfish. What the fuck do you know about fish, you're just a stupid beetle. Shut up, asshole.
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What's so fucking surprising, shithead? Like you weren't just sitting around waiting to be discovered by humans. DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT CIVILIZATION. I bet your stupid reality show is only going to last until mid-season, anyway, so don't make any big purchases.
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Yeah. Do you even need me to say anything? I didn't think so.
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I bet you think you fucking invented that pose. Well guess what, fucktard: BIRDS HAVE BEEN USING THAT POSE FOR YEARS. You don't look contemplative, you just look like a Mexican flag with wings. And by the way, "Fruit Dove"?
Gayest. Name. Ever.
You know I hate combo animals, Leopard Gecko. Get a more original name, like maybe Uneven Tail Gecko. Did your tail swallow a candy corn? I don't give a shit about your freaky eyes, you're still all elbows and suckage.
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Wait a second, this frog and has fangs? And it fucking EATS BIRDS?! Um, we're cool. I think I'm done here. Yeah.