Friday, July 31, 2009

An overview of how lives are destroyed


A brief outline of a Fuck You, Penguin post on this photo.

I. The animals.

A. A fawn that was briefly separated from its mother.

B. A pit bull from a shelter.

II. The situation.

A. The fawn wanted to nurse from the pit bull.

1. It is a MALE pit bull.

a. Awkwardly funny, but also adorable.

III. The clincher.

A. Here is a male pit bull from a shelter kissing an abandoned fawn.

1. Link to photo (NSFW).

a. Last straw??

IV. Epilogue.

A. The fawn was later returned to its mother.

V. Conclusion.

A. Kill me right fucking now.

Some Sheize Pr0n to Kick Off the Weekend

A German co-worker shared this video with me during a discussion focused on Kitsch 90s music. If you're looking for creepy euro-industrial dancing set to schlocky bass beats, you've come to the right place!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Flat Earth Society


BBC has a little of background on the Islamic fanatics that have been wreaking havoc in Nigeria. From the BBC:
"Like rain. We believe it is a creation of God rather than an evaporation caused by the sun that condenses and becomes rain. "Like saying the world is a sphere. If it runs contrary to the teachings of Allah, we reject it. We also reject the theory of Darwinism." Mr Yusuf himself is something of an enigma. He is believed to be in his mid-thirties, and analysts say he is extremely wealthy and highly educated. "He is graduate educated and very proficient in English," says Nigerian academic Hussain Zakaria. "He lives lavishly - people say he drives a Mercedes Benz. And he is very well-educated in a Western context."
Sounds like a swell guy. Where can I sign up?

I can't believe this is a rabbit


This is an angora rabbit. Do you believe it? When I first saw this I thought, "Hold on, there, Internet. There's no way that's a rabbit. It's so furry and round." But it's totally a rabbit. WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS RABBIT?! You are sooooo crazy, Rabbit! Holy shit. Do you even know how much you look just like this cotton ball?

I literally had to look twice before I could tell them apart, but I know the difference is in the eyes. NICE TRY, RABBIT.

UPDATE: There's been a lot of confusion in the comment section as to which of these photos is the cotton ball and which one is the rabbit. Believe me, I know how difficult this can be. The key is to look at the eyes in the first picture, as you can see here. See? Definitely a rabbit.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Birther Nonsense Goes From Funny to Extremely Embarrassing


God bless America. It has has always had it's share of crazies. Just a natural by-product of a nation which honors freedom of speech that can actually provide some laughs after three beers. But there's a point when folks who might otherwise be considered political allies start to make you get a little uneasy. The Army guy (an junior officer no less) who demanded that President Obama show him his birth certificate was a punch in the face. But the fact that congress had to pass a resolution that Obama was indeed born in Hawaii shows this meme residing in the dark corners of the internet has gone too damn far.

I don't think that Obama was born overseas in the same way I don't think my little brother is secretly a robot, there's no rationale reasoning to come to either conclusion so I don't really think about it. National Review has an interesting editorial trying to distance themselves from birtherism like Harrison Ford distanced himself from the Star Wars Holiday Special:
Much foolishness has become attached to the question of President Obama’s place of birth, and a few misguided souls among the Right have indulged it.
There's a lot too criticize Obama about...a lot. Why choose this bullshit?

Monday, July 27, 2009

I'm dreaming of a white jackass


Here I am sweating away in the heart of summer and this little jerk decides to prance around in his Winter Wonderland for the day. Look at him, standing on his hind fucking legs picking berries for the '10 poster. THE AIR CONDITIONING IN MY CAR IS NOT WORKING RIGHT NOW, ASSHOLE. Way to be a heartless weasel.

And what of your supposed purity, Ermine? I know you act like you would show me a world of peace and joy where candy canes dance among the lollipop trees. But what happens when I join you among the berries and the snow? Your belly would keep me warm, Ermine, but your empty promises would leave me cold. And soon the weather would warm, the snow would melt, and you would go back to being just another loser in a brown coat. So chew on that next time you think you're Rudolph the fucking reindeer.

Obama Propaganda Sure Isn't Subtle

Imagine the irony when I was reading up on the Thailand government's strange internet campaign to promote national unity, clicked on something on Bangkok's The Nation about the stimulus failing, and this google ad popped up:

Great, so we're spending taxpayer dollars on google ads for Obama Blogarama to explain why wasting taxpayer dollars on the stimulus was a good idea. At least the Thai propaganda operates under the guise of promoting stability. Our propaganda is just about one guy: The Obama. Not even the power of google is going to save this guy's falling approval rating.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Well At Least It's Not the LA Riots

Obama has backpedaled on his initial comments of the Cambridge police officer who arrested the Harvard professor. No problem, everyone has a gaffe, even messiahs. In my opinion, the case seems to be more about society's elite thinking the law doesn't apply to them and they don't have to explain themselves to lowly-paid guys with their names on their uniform. Kind of like the people who whine about having to take their shows off at the airport, but I digress. The Cambridge mayor didn't even stick up for one of her police officers, which shows that it must be swell to be a cop in that city. Police are tasked with probably the most essential task in ensuring a civil society, and I wish more people would drop this adolescent bullshit of always blaming them without giving a little benefit of the doubt. The media is attempting to re-ignite the racial profiling debate, but I don't think it's as big a deal as their making it, and it'll drop off the news cycle once some other governor gets found indiscretely boning. As long as there's no LA riots ripping society apart at the seams, I think we will carry on as a nation, however imperfect.

Great Danes always fuck up teh cute


Oh my God, Great Dane, what is wrong with you? THIS IS THE WORST ATTEMPT AT TRYING TO WIN MY HEART SINCE THE NOTEBOOK. You are supposed to sit next to something bigger than you that we all recognize, thereby making yourself look impossibly tiny. Why do great danes always do the exact opposite? Dude, you are dominating that kiddie pool. It's basically at the point where I'm starting to find the elephant on the kiddie pool really cute because it looks so small compared to you.

This is just embarrassing. Anyway, is that your tongue, or a sliver of the regulation-sized kickball you are currently engulfing in that Statue of Liberty-sized head of yours? STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT, I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

British Paper Badmouths America For Not Loving Obamacare

Well if you don't like snooty American bloggers telling you why you're a terrible person for not supporting a debt-ridden, centralized health care monstrosity, you're probably not going to care much when someone from Europe does it. From the Independent in London:
Like anyone who writes in a national newspaper, I'm used to abuse, but nothing prepared me for the venom unleashed when I dared to suggest, on an American website earlier this year, that "rational self-interest" might have its limits. My suggestion, said one correspondent who tracked me down months later, was "an attack" on his "happiness, freedom, income, survival and family" and I clearly had "(a) no education and (b) no experience". Suffice it to say that he, and his fellow Christina critics, were less than delighted about the "obscure left/socialist leanings" of "an American Idol President". Socialist? It would be tempting, as a Brit, to say 'you're having a larf!', but these people are not, I think it's safe to say, overly endowed with a sense of humour.

If Obama can't do this, nobody can. If Obama can't do this, America's poor are screwed. Sure, America's got talent, but it's also got some of the most unpleasant, uncompassionate, unerringly ruthless people on the face of this planet. Boy will that boy need some luck.
Well, that certainly doesn't have much of the British charm. And what's up with calling Obama "boy" like it's some 1950s diner in Biloxi, Mississippi. This is not the first time scary, middle-aged women have referred to Obama as "boy".

You kind of get a sense of the commentator;s demeanor with this line later in her stream-of-conscious blatherings:
The pub, cosy cornerstone of the community, hub of happiness and harmony etc, is in decline and this, apparently, is a national disaster.

Could this be the same institution that has been castigated for fostering the country's only serious national pastime, the mass pouring down throats of the drug regarded as the biggest threat to the nation's health?
Great. Another know-it-all, self-roghteous liberal who wants to mind everyone else's personal business to compensate for god-knows-what. Please stay in England, we have too many like you in the States.

Thank You, Hillary

A friendly สวัสดีค่ะ(Hello) from Hillary

Phew! Good thing they didn't send Biden, he probably would've remarked on their "funny looking oriental clothes" or something. Hillary is wrapping up a successful diplomatic visit to Thailand. From Xinhua:
Meanwhile, Thailand's Foreign Minister Kasit Piromya, who also joined the press conference with Clinton, said the United States and Thailand promises to strengthen the bilateral tie.

In addition to that, the two countries will work closely within the ASEAN context particularly in the ASEAN-U.S. dialogue and also in the other regional organizations, Kasit said.

The United States has reaffirmed its continued interest and full participation for the well-being of the Asia-Pacific region and Southeast Asia's peace and security development, Kasit said.
Libertarian-Feminist Kerry Howley notes that it's often embarrassing to be an ex-pat because our leaders are "hubristic". From where I'm sitting, I don't know what the fuck Howley is talking about (even though I usually agree with her). Hillary Clinton is trying to voice U.S. interests in the region of promoting free trade and stopping aggression from rogue states. Uh, isn't that what diplomats are supposed do? Let our nation's foreign-policy interests be known?

Besides, it's not embarrassing to be an American in Thailand. Besides my own personal experience, I can cite this poll which shows that 21% of women from Northeastern Thailand (Isaan) prefer American husbands (trailing slightly behind the Brits). Isn't that what's most important when living abroad, the local women?

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

This is just a giant pile of wrong


Cuddle parties have finally made their way into the Degu community. This is making me super pissed-off because it's a bunch of fucking degus laying on each other in a mess of ears, whiskers, and tiny noses. But the parties are also leading to a greater level of inappropriate degu behavior. We all know that cuddle parties start out as innocent ways to have fun, but quickly degenerate into this.

Degus are particularly susceptible to this because they already have low self-esteem since guinea pigs and chinchillas get so much more attention. If you have a degu, DO NOT LET THEM GO TO A CUDDLE PARTY. I don't care if they say it helps them "keep warm," just tell them you go to work every day to put a roof over their heads so they aren't out in the cold, which is exactly where they'll be if they don't listen to you. Trust me, it's for their own good. They will thank you when they are older.

The Evil Roundabout Empire

So some poindexter who writes books about the exciting world of traffic engineering uses a bunch of facts and figures to discuss why we should surrender our sovereignty and allow the roundabout to be a mainstay on our roads. Despite the fact that trying to walk across one of these monstrosities is a death sentence, he's obviously never seen a little movie called National Lampoon's European Vacation.



This and another annoyances that make you want to shoot yourself in the face will be coming soon to a backed up traffic circle near you.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Will Hillary Clinton Embarrass America in Thailand?

So Far, So Good! (photo of Hillary Clinton with Thai PM Abhisit from BP)

It's pretty tough to fuck up diplomatic relations with a country that is generally welcoming of foreigners and has had friendly ties with the US for over 100 years. About the only way to do it would be to insult the King, knock over a Buddha statue during a drunken bender, or con your way out of a bar fine. And I'm proud to say our country's top diplomat has not done any of these losing-face gaffes as of 8:30pm in Bangkok. Uh, U-S-A, U-S-A. From Wall Street Journal:
Total trade between the U.S. and Asean exceeded $178 billion in 2008, and, in an opinion piece Mrs. Clinton wrote that was published in Bangkok newspapers Tuesday, she said "there is no doubt that our economies' fortunes and our nations' futures are more intertwined than ever before."

Some regional analysts see the Asean grouping as the kernel of a broader free trade bloc spanning the Pacific and also encompassing China, Japan, South Korea. Mrs. Clinton is scheduled to sign a non-aggression pact with Asean in Phuket, as China did in 2003, which diplomats say could enable the U.S. to later enmesh itself within the so-called East Asia Summit group, which includes the ten Asean members plus trade partners China, India, Japan, South Korea, New Zealand and Australia.
The free trade stuff with Southeast Asia is all well and good, and she's trying to get the ASEAN countries to put the squeeze on the usual suspects (Islamic terrorists, North Korea, Burma), which is good as well. I'll give her bonus points if she can calm the country down about this CIA black site business.

Believe it or not, besides her scary offical cabinet photo, I have a lot of confidence in Hillary as the Secretary of State. IMHO of a good diplomat, you need someone smart, well-educated, and the ability to be conniving and manipulative while putting on a bullshit smile, something Hillary Clinton has in droves.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Ocelots should be more careful with technology


Dear Ocelot,

I'm really glad you like the blog, but I am actually a human, and therefore I am not attracted to cats. Furthermore, I find your casual distribution of seductive pictures on the internet to be HIGHLY inadvisable, and would recommend that you are more careful with photos of yourself in compromising positions. In order to teach you a lesson, I've posted this photo on the blog so you can see that once something is online, it's forever.

Sincerely,
FUP

PS I don't know if it is you who has been calling my house at odd hours of the night and purring into the phone, but if it is, please stop.

On Sun, Jul 19, 2009 at 1:45 AM, Ocelot [ocelot4you@*********] wrote:
Hey baby,

I love the blog. I thought maybe we could get together some time. Do you happen to live in Costa Rica? E-mail me and maybe we can get together and see what happens? I've attached a pic I hope u like.

Love,
Ocelot

Should I Bring the Gun or the Flowers?

Wired Danger Room is on an embed in the Panjshir Valley in Afghanistan and they note the poo-pooing by NGO types of the PRT in carrying out civil-military operations:
Not everyone is fan of the military’s embrace of the humanitarian mission. Since their inception in late 2002 as “Joint Regional Teams,” many in the aid and development community have worried that the PRTs were encroaching on a traditional humanitarian space, blurring the line between civilian aid work and military operations. In a recent opinion piece, Anna Husarska of the International Rescue Committee quotes an unnamed colleague who tut-tutted that the PRTs are “Humvees in a china shop.” For the purists, relief and development work are a task best done by independent aid agencies, not the military.
This isn't the first time that humanitarians have bad-mouthed this entire component of counter-insurgency. As a guy who used to be in the military but is now a tie-dye wearin' NGO geek, I feel the need to comment. Yes, showing up with an assortment of weapons might not be the key to convincing folks you are there to help, but it is incredibly naive to not understand that security and the rule of law must be established before any real social/economic development takes place in troubled areas. That's why the 2007 strategy in Iraq was successful, because it primarily focused on improving security, instead having contractors half-assedly building schools that were going to get blown up anyways.

There is/will be a need for humanitarian workers in Afghanistan, but until law and order can be established, it will have to have a military component. Don't let idealism result in you getting killed by reality.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Fighting Back

Even though Massachusetts' near-universal health coverage is bankrupting the state by the second, liberal types are making the rounds saying that government-run health programs (like the VA) are actually swell. I guess veterans-related scandals were only the meme of the day when Bush was president. You can take a look at Joe's comment if you want to see what a pain in the ass it is to deal with the VA, and you can read this IBD editorial on how much this monstrous Obamacare is going to cost:
Few of the plans now coming out of Congress will save anything, says the CBO's current chief, Douglas Elmendorf. In fact, he says, they'll lead to substantially higher costs in the future — costs that will be "unsustainable."

As it is, estimates for reforming health care range from $1 trillion to $3.6 trillion. Much will be spent on subsidies to make a so-called public option more attractive to consumers than private plans.

To pay for it, the president has suggested about $600 billion in new taxes, meaning that $500 billion to $2.1 trillion in new health care spending over the next decade will be unfunded. This could push up the nation's already soaring deficit, expected to reach $10 trillion through 2019 without health care reform. Massive new tax hikes will probably be needed to close the gap.
If the Obama administration is going to throw taxpayer money around, you'd think they would wait at least a year to blow another trillion dollars. After a while, these trillions really start adding up.

Are you shitting on my book?


Owls think everything about owl civilization is better than everything about human civilization. That is why this pretentious prick (whose goddamn name is Sanders) is pretending to sun himself on this table, but is in fact VIOLATING THE SYMBOL OF ALL THAT IS KNOWLEDGE AND MEANING.

What's worse is that he is teaching the next generation of owls to shit on us too. (Don't even get me started on that blog. A whole blog dedicated to raising an owl? THIS OWL?!? Why don't you just invent a time machine so you can actually stab Plato in the back?) There's no way I'm buying the whole sun thing, either. I know what you're doing, Owl. Stop disrespecting humanity, put your wings away, and make your kids look less weird so I don't want to teach them the secrets of humanity.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Obamacare is On the Way

Can you hear that slow death rattle of American civilization? Not even the "blue dogs" are going to save us from this turd. Yesterday, Ed Morrissey noted that the government can't even get the VA under control, so why the fuck are they going to try and supervise health care coverage for everybody. Having been in the military, most of us are pretty good at filling out ridiculous paperwork and dealing with bullshit, I feel sorry for everybody else.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

PHARRELL & NATASHA PART II

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Pharrell and Natasha Poly by Terry Richardson

I'm not sure if you remember THIS post back from May, but I found a second image from this set, and I must say I love it even more than the first! What do you think?

Image source: pedestrian.tv

A PERFECT MATCH

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Ashley Olsen and Justin Bartha

I'm not usually a fan on couples who wear matching outfits (or the exact same colors), but naturally Ashley Olsen makes it work.

Image source: mkashley

"Mangalitsa" is a pretty fancy name for a curly-haired jack-off


Hey asshole, the only thing curly on you should be your tail. GET BACK IN LINE, PIG. I didn't even realize pigs had hair until I saw your ratty ass. Do all pigs have long hair and they just shave every day? What if pre-weight-loss Seth Rogen over here convinces all of the rest of them to grow it out and start styling it in new hip ways? THIS COULD BE A PIG-RELATED DISASTER ON A SCALE NOT SEEN SINCE I READ CHARLOTTE'S WEB.

I'm here to tell you that I'm not scared of you, Mangalitsa Pig. I see you brought your little buddy along with you to intimidate me, but I don't even care. I could take both of you. Let's go, right here on the internet! **Mangalitsa**, shit. I bet you don't even roll around in the mud 'cause it's beneath you. You know what, forget it, you'd probably just make some witty observation and trot off.

Surviving the Supreme Court Schnoozefest... with Gwar

This bullshit about the Supreme something or other is #1 on Memeorandum? It must be a pretty slow day.

The guys at TAH have some choice words about Major Bonehead who refused to deploy because he hasn't seen Obama's birth certificate, but other than that, it's pretty dull out here on the internet. So here's an old Gwar video to get over the hump. And if you know who Gwar is (or have ever been showered in fake blood at one of their concerts), then you probably have a VHS copy of Army of Darkness sitting around and are wondering why kids today are such little weenies.

SMOKING STAM


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Jessica Stam

This needs no words.

Image source: bertberlin (modelcouture)

CLEMENCE POESY

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Clémence Poésy
Photographer: Gubson

So simple. So beautiful.

Image source: ru_glamour

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

BAR RAFAELI

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Model: Bar Rafaeli
GQ Italy July 2009

I was never a huge fan of Bar, but I LOVE this.

P.S. Please let me know if the photos are too large for your screen.
Image source: modelcouture

Happy Trillion Dollar Deficit Day

Might as well yuck it up before the Chinese pull the plug on us and turn America into Barter Town because the dollar ain't worth a shit. From Sun-Sentinel:
The Treasury Department said Monday that the deficit in June totaled $94.3 billion, pushing the total since the budget year started in October to nearly $1.1 trillion.

The deficit has been propelled by the huge sum the government has spent to combat the recession and financial crisis, combined with a sharp decline in tax revenues. Paying for wars in Iraq and Afghanistan also is a major factor.

The country's soaring deficits are making Chinese and other foreign buyers of U.S. debt nervous, which could make them reluctant lenders down the road. It could force the Treasury Department to pay higher interest rates to make U.S. debt attractive longer-term.

"These are mind boggling numbers," said Sung Won Sohn, an economist at the Smith School of Business at California State University. "Our foreign investors from China and elsewhere are starting to have concerns about not only the value of the dollar but how safe their investments will be in the long run."
It seems Obama's team had too many rosy predictions about an excessively shitty economy. Well, at least bailed-out Goldman Sachs is having a good fiscal year.

GOOD AND BAD NEWS

Currently Watching: July 14th Parade in Paris

Hi! It's been a reallyyyy long time since I've posted anything, sorry! I went to Spain for a week with my family, and the good news is that it was really fantastic and I had an awesome time! The really bad news is that I lost my camera on the last day! :'((( I was so upset you can't even imagine, yes, I cried. It might seem ridiculous, but I had so many amazing pictures. Now, I'm back in Paris without a camera. How bad does that sentence sound? Really terrible. I know. 

Anyways let's think more of the positive. I did find great deals on clothes in Paris especially from Zadig & Voltaire and See by Chloe. Also when I was in Spain, I got 4 tees for 5.99 euros each from Zara! So I'm definitely going to continue shopping, just not today because it's the 14th of July! Oh and yesterday I bought Nutella, Carambar's, Kinder's, Milka's, and Lion's to bring back home to the US of A. Yes, I love chocolate! Oh which brings me to say that I truly believe I'm gaining weight because every morning is filled with Pain au Chocolat's and baguette's and other delicious things! So enough with my rambling, I will try to put in some real posts tonight. 

Je vous aime,
allforfashion

Monday, July 13, 2009

Baby rhinos better milk it while they can


I see what you're doing here, Baby Rhino. We ALL see what you're doing here. You think by having a mouth that looks sewn on and legs that appear to be taken from a dining room table from the 19th century you can be so ugly that you'll come back around to cute and we'll all forget how ridiculous you look and rhinos will get more publicity and start getting work in show business. BIG MISTAKE, BABY RHINO. Listen, maybe if you didn't grow up into a hulking mass of skin and bones that couldn't pose its way out of a paper bag then this strategy might work.

As it stands, Baby Rhino, your big gamble is just one giant piece of fucking fail. Well, don't expect me to wait around to see your next attempt, Baby Rhino. I've got better things to do with my time than sit around looking at pictures of baby animals trying to be cute all day, and so does everyone else on the internet. CLOCK'S TICKING, BABY RHINO, WHAT'S YOUR PLAN.

Oh, dear God. NOT RUNNING AWKWARDLY WHILE SMILING AT THE CAMERA. What the - PUT THAT AWAY. Wait a second. HOW DID YOU TURN INTO AN OTTER. Fuck you, Baby Rhino.

New Military Policy From the Morale Supression Squad

For years, the Pentagon has been cranking out cheesy anti-smoking ads targeted at servicemembers, along with other bizarre PSAs, in the hopes of curbing the associated health costs. But now it looks like they are just going to try and outright ban those delicious cancer-sticks. From the Daily Mail (h/t Wek):
The investigation by the Institute of Medicine, commissioned by the Pentagon, found that a third of the country's three million servicemen and women uses tobacco, compared with a fifth in the general population.

The heaviest smokers - perhaps not surprisingly - were soldiers and Marines on active duty in Iraq and Afghanistan.

About 37 per cent of soldiers and 36 per cent of Marines used tobacco. Combat veterans were 50 per cent more likely to smoke than troops who hadn't seen any fighting, the report said.
Brandon Friedman seems to think this is a good idea, after all military members surrender their freedoms on all sorts of matters. But, I wonder, if any senior enlisted personnel were consulted on this matter? Because they're the ones who are going to have to deal with the inevitable mutiny that takes place once this policy goes into effect. We had to stop smoking on the boat once when we had a freon leak out at sea. That was the worst 24 hours ever, and that's saying a lot for the Navy!

Another concern is that by using the logic that "it'll save taxpayer money", you can use the same line of reasoning to ban smoking, and anything else that makes life tolerable, for the entire country under Obamacare.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

From the Department of WTF?!?

"Adolf Hitler Good Movie On"

Spotted this strange creation at Bangkok's monstrous JJ market yesterday. I'd like to say this is the first time I've seen Hitler's mug being used in jest on a Thai T-shirt, but that wouldn't be true. I guess I'm lucky to be from a country where sporting Nazi paraphernalia would make you about as popular as an H1N1 outbreak. The only people seriously interested in reviving the Third Reich are uneducated rednecks and Obama's creepy, eugenicist science adviser.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Lobsters never get it right


Hey Lobster, what the fuck are you doing in that person's apartment? GET BACK IN THE WATER WHERE YOU BELONG. And stop looking so sad, you fucking killjoy, this was your one opportunity to be cute and you blew it. It's got to be hard, being one step away from a cockroach, and I see you are trying to make me love you, I do. But it's not working AT ALL, Lobster, so stop acting like a dog and start twinkle-toeing around in that weird lobster way so I can get creeped out because I don't know which way you are going to move.

And for God's sake, Lobster, get yourself ironed. You look like a total slob.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

When $787B isn't Enough

Only in the twilight zone of Obamanomics is the ghastly size of the stimulus not a lot of cash, which has to-date been about as successful as T. Boone Pickens' plan to conquer the Texas Panhandle with wind turbines. Paul Krugman thinks there's a conspiracy to sabotage plans for more money being shoveled at special interest groups, and HuffPo thinks limiting federal spending is akin to incest. A simple meme of the frightening red ink the CBO predicts has been a mainstay for bloggers in the days of Obama, but I think Leskoization video from Reason needs some more air time:

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Japan+Animals=Fucking Disaster


If this was a one-time thing, I would let Japan go. This puppy could have been born anywhere, and really it's just as rude to have a heart on your fur in Germany as it is in Japan. But this sort of thing has happened before. Look at this cow. Now look back at the puppy. Now look at the cow again.

What the fuck, Japan? What are you doing to animals over there? Are email chains that important to you? What other kind of shapes are you going to come up with once hearts lose their novelty factor?

THAT'S FUCKING IT: JAPAN IS NOW A PART OF THE AXIS OF CUTE. This list also includes South Korea, China, and Luxembourg (not even going to link to that bullshit).

But even if Japan somehow gave this puppy a heart-shaped mark on its fur, that's no excuse for that look. So fuck you, Puppy. I just discovered a giant threat to our liberty right across the ocean, this is no time for me to fly over there and nuzzle your freedom-hating ass.

Silver Lining In Our Shitty Economic Cloud

Woohoo, Less Traffic

Even though we'll probably be resorting to cannibalism by the end of Obama's first term, at least the freeways remain empty as people sit at home unemployed eating pork and beans. From AP:
The Los Angeles metropolitan area, with its car pool lanes and emerging mass transit, shed two hours of wait-time in rush-hour traffic. Still, its sprawling freeway system remained the nation's worst for congestion, with drivers wasting an average of 70 hours in 2007.

Other large metro areas showing congestion declines were San Francisco, Atlanta, Chicago, Dallas-Fort Worth and Seattle.

In contrast, the Washington, D.C., area had more bumper-to-bumper traffic, surpassing Atlanta as the second worst in congestion. With the Washington regional economy faring relatively well, drivers heading to work in the nation's capital and surrounding suburbs wasted 62 hours in rush-hour traffic in 2007, up from 59 hours.
Of course DC traffic remains a mess of commuters which can be explained by John Dillinger's famous quote of "because that's where the money is!". Never accuse the sleazebags in our federal government of misunderstanding their priorities of lavishing themselves with taxpayer-funded goodies while everyone else is in the poor house.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Dear God, No More Cowbell Please

Go Away

The cornball stunt of dragging a bunch of morning shows to her fishing expedition was pretty much par for the course in modern politics (ooo, she's just like me, how do I give money?). But one thing that pisses me off the most about her resignation is that she took an oath to serve the public in Alaska, and then she flies the coop. Abruptly walking out of your contract with the American people in the military gets you thrown in jail, but doing it when you're a governor gets kudos from prominent conservative pundits? WTF. Then she has the audacity to compare herself to the troops in her horrendous resignation speech:
We can ALL learn from our selfless Troops… they’re bold, they don’t give up, they take a stand and know that life is short so they choose to not waste time. They choose to be productive and to serve something greater than self... and to build up their families, their states, our country.
I still can't figure out the fascination fellow conservatives have with Ms. Palin. I'd agree the media has been particularly vicious in their attacks, but I can only hypothesize that many conservatives see a bit of themselves in Sarah: a regular schmoe who took on the "elites" in our country. If I wanted to vote for someone who was just like me, I probably would've campaigned for David Carradine, but I'm much more interested in someone who knows what the fuck they are doing. Sarah just never inspired that confidence.

Eric Dondero, with much enthusiasm, says the next best hope for the GOP in terms of leadership is...Mitt Romney! Brr, it's getting chilly out here in the wilderness.

So It Has Come To This in England: The Green Gestapo

Pic Borrowed From Zipline

They're not billing this new greenie enforcement agency across the pond as the "Green Gestapo", but it sure does sound like it. Decked out in green jackets, the ability to barge in on private property, shaking down factories for their power readings, do they think these companies are akin to the Fratelli Brothers hideout or something? From The Times:
Decked out in green jackets, the enforcers will be able to demand access to company property, view power meters, call up electricity and gas bills and examine carbon-trading records for an estimated 6,000 British businesses. Ed Mitchell, head of business performance and regulation at the Environment Agency, said the squad would help to bring emissions under control. “Climate change and CO2 are the world’s biggest issues right now. The Carbon Reduction Commitment is one of the ways in which Britain is responding.”

The formation of the green police overcomes a psychological hurdle in the battle against climate change. Ministers have long recognised the need to have new categories of taxes and criminal offences for CO2 emissions, but fear a repetition of the fuel tax protests in 2000 when lorry drivers blockaded refineries.
This is just more evidence that environmentalism seeks to appease its own eco-guilt/juvenile emotions instead of actually improving society at large. Yes indeed, there is a need to improve emissions standards and air quality through engineering innovations and established science. But, for too long the environmental movement has been dominated by green-chic busybodies and politicians who make ridiculous promises of energy independence through solar panels and windmills to win elections. Nevermind the fact that countries have developed from subsistence farming and a generally lousy quality of life by exploiting fossil fuels. Countries rapidly modernizing like China and India need serious engineering solutions, not calls for more bike lanes and Al Gore bumper stickers.

Note: Wired had an interesting article last year about how environmentalism was too important to be left to the environmentalists and their bizarre cult of Gaia-worship.

Alcohol Probably Played No Part in This Incident

One doesn't normally think of Cape Cod as a place for drunken buffoonery and shenanigans unless you're part of the Kennedy family. But, one unfortunate chap thought it would be a good idea to punch a police horse in the tookis. From the Cape Cod Times:
Police were busy last night with fourteen arrests, including one of an Orleans man accused of punching a police horse.

Christopher McEnaney, 18, was arrested and charged with assault on a police horse and resisting arrest after he punched a horse from the Plymouth County Sheriff’s Office, one of the mounted patrol horses ridden during town’s raucous July 4 festivities, Provincetown police Sgt. Carrie Lopes said.

McEnaney is accused of punching the horse, Fred, in the animal’s flank at about 10:20 p.m. while the mounted patrol officers were in the area of Ryder Street and Commercial Street, Lopes said.
If Mr. McEnaney were a bit older, maybe he would've heeded the advice from Half-Baked that harming a police horse is considered "Assault on a Police Officer" and not just a hilarious prank to impress fellow members of the Yacht Club.

Monday, July 6, 2009

On The Origin of Douchebags


What kind of sleazy joint are they running on the Galapagos Islands? With all the unsolicited come-ons, it seems like it's just one giant orgy down there. This guy seems waaaay overconfident, like he's taking every fourth tourist behind the fucking bushes for some afternoon delight. Personally, I'm not going to be seduced by some dinosaur wanna-be that thinks a laid-back demeanor and a shit-eating grin is going to convince me to sully my honor.

So no, Land Iguana, I don't want to see your condo, even if it is just around the corner. I think it's a good idea for you to just go back under whatever rock you crawled out from, most likely the one right in front of you that you probably actually crawled out from under.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Thailand Goes Nutso Over Stupid Baby Panda

Pandas are kind of like the Michael Moores of the animal kingdom. They're fat, stupid, and receive an obscene amount of media coverage. Sure, anyone who's anyone wants good diplomatic relations with China, but the Thai media's obsession with the baby panda has gone too far and I feel compelled to speak out. AP has the details on this wretched beast's debut at the Chiang Mai Zoo:
The baby panda is tiny enough to be held in the hands of a zoo staffer.

Thais have been captivated by the cub since her birth May 27. For six years, the zoo had tried to mate its two adult pandas, both on loan from China. They held a mock wedding for the pair, showed the male, Chuang Chuang, "porn" videos of pandas mating, and finally turned to artificial insemination.

Newspapers have reported the baby panda's milestones and the public's reaction, including a giant cake measuring 4 feet by 5 feet (1.2 meters by 1.6 meters) donated by a Chiang Mai bakery to celebrate her one-month birthday. Some Chiang Mai hotels are offering special "meet the panda" rates for the next few months.
First off, any male who has trouble "mating" in the "Land of Smiles" has some serious problems with their libido. Second, the traditional animal of Thailand, the elephant (chaang/ช้าง) is a far more majestic creature capable of everything from playing soccer to warding off Burmese invaders. As an added bonus, it's part of a species that isn't keen on mauling humans.

I'm not alone in this sentiment, as many Thai zookeepers are fighting back against this existential threat to Thailand's national sovereignty and pride:
With announcements of a 20 million baht snow house being built for the Panda family the keepers are wondering just why Thailand has forgotten that the Elephant is their national symbol.

Aside from speaking up about the problem the Elephant keepers at the Ayutthaya-Elephant Kraal have taken it one step further by painting five of their elephants to look like Pandas. This attention grabbing effort seems to be doing the job as Thai people are not only noticing but applauding their efforts. Although rumor has it some Panda lovers are slightly irked.

Note: I'm not just defending the elephant because I've become more right-wing lately, but I do find it surprisingly convenient.

Friday, July 3, 2009

They Won't Have Sarah To Kick Around

The Moderate Voice has an interesting post comparing the ever-persisting culture wars of Richard Nixon and Sarah Palin, and suggests that Nixon was a lot better at it:
But no politician has better embodied the Orthogonian spirit better than Sarah Palin. Like Nixon, Palin was driven by a sense that the elites were out to get her. Those elites could be the mainstream Alaska Republican Party. They could be Ivy League graduates. They could be national media figures who mock her use of platitudes. They could be secularist elements that see the world in more complicated moral and theological terms than the Assembly of God. Sarah Palin played on the paranoid dimension of Orthogonianism - Obama palling around with terrorists, etc. - better than any Republican in years.
I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that I'm not the only bitter out there who gets a tad peeved when liberal politicos try to convince the public that $787B of red ink wasn't enough, public health care will be swell (also resulting in more debt), and that I'm some kind of a terrorist. The anti-elite sentiment comes from the perception that people with political power ridicule flyover country cultural norms and call everyone traitors if they're not driving a Prius to work.

But, that doesn't mean that smart people shouldn't be running the country. Sarah Palin wasn't very smart.

July 4th

Obviously I'm a bit biased being an American, but I still think the Revolutionary War and signing of the Declaration of Independence was one of the most historically significant periods in civilization. Not so much because of the practical aspects (wanting to pay less taxes, keeping the King of England out of our face), but rather the ideals that average citizens actually had individual rights and that government existed by permission of the people. It was a concept that had been gaining steam in Europe during the Renaissance, and it all sort of culminated in the American colonies in the late 18th century. The history of civilization has been incredibly violent and depressing with governments which function as tyrannies, and we are lucky to not live in such a state of despair. So Tom, Ben, George, and the rest of the guys, thanks for July 4th.

Jaguarundis think they can just waltz into your heart


Okay, so this is pretty cute, but then you place this article on the net like you can just all of the sudden get special treatment just because you kind of look like an otter when you put your head up. Entitled jerk is all "Hey, I'm cute, send me money!" Frankly, Jaguarundi, I expect more from lesser-known cats.

I can occasionally look like an otter, you know, yet I'm not asking for handouts. I don't care how endangered you are, THERE'S ONLY ONE OF ME. Yet I go on with my life, just trying to work hard and get ahead. Maybe if you did something notable like starring in a Dreamworks animated movie or if a gay one of you adopted a baby jaguarundi you would get a little more attention. But you can't just sit back and wait for it to come to you just because I'm looking into how easy it is to domesticate you, Jaguarundi. So get an agent, start knocking on doors, and do this thing the old fashioned way. No shortcuts.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

US Media Finally Coming Around (maybe)

After the US media's disgracefully biased PrObama coverage during the campaign season and the first 100 days, they maybe realizing that the government subverting a supposedly independent press might not be a good thing. Well at least the reporter who's been covering the White House since the Taft administration recognizes this. From CNS news:
“Nixon didn’t try to do that,” Thomas said. “They couldn’t control (the media). They didn’t try.

“What the hell do they think we are, puppets?” Thomas said. “They’re supposed to stay out of our business. They are our public servants. We pay them.”

Thomas said she was especially concerned about the arrangement between the Obama Administration and a writer from the liberal Huffington Post Web site. The writer was invited by the White House to President Obama’s press conference last week on the understanding that he would ask Obama a question about Iran from among questions that had been sent to him by people in Iran.
Careful, Helen, with that kind of attitude you'll be targeted for character assassination by the left's well-funded hit squad, or you could end up like dissenters in other countries and get mysteriously stabbed. Moonbattery has the video of this much-needed exchange with Gibbs.

Only I can save everyone from this baby gorilla


This baby gorilla got rejected by its mom, and you can totally see why. In fact, I'm not even sure why I'm featuring this ugly bastard on this blog. I mean, look at this kid. WHO COULD EVER LOVE THAT???!!! When I looked at this picture, I threw up a little bit.

San Francisco Zoo: Don't bother trying to help this miserable loser. Send him to me and I will "take care of him." You don't need to know about what I'll do, just know you'll never have to worry about looking at him again. In fact, send me this, too. And one of these. And anyone else you want to send me really. Trust me: you do not want to fuck with these animals. Leave it up to a professional.