George Will Throws in the Towel on Afghanistan

In a piece that is certain to stir up some controversy today, conservative heavyweight George Will questions what the hell we are still doing in Afghanistan. This follows the month with the most casualties during the 8-year war with no end in sight. From George Will:

U.S. strategy — protecting the population — is increasingly troop-intensive while Americans are increasingly impatient about “deteriorating” (says Adm. Mike Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff) conditions. The war already is nearly 50 percent longer than the combined U.S. involvements in two world wars, and NATO assistance is reluctant and often risible.

U.S. strategy is “clear, hold and build.” Clear? Taliban forces can evaporate and then return, confident that U.S. forces will forever be too few to hold gains. Hence nation-building would be impossible even if we knew how, and even if Afghanistan were not the second-worst place to try: The Brookings Institution ranks Somalia as the only nation with a weaker state.

Military historian Max Hastings says Kabul controls only about a third of the country — “control” is an elastic concept — and “ ‘our’ Afghans may prove no more viable than were ‘our’ Vietnamese, the Saigon regime.”

I really don't have much to criticize George Will for on this. His arguments are based on facts and our lack of clear objectives, but maybe General McChrystal come up with a more suitable strategy with his recent report to CENTCOM and the Pentagon. I don't pretend that I have some master plan, but at least the guy who is supposed to has a good-looking set of pants.

I can't tell if you're doing that ironically

What's with the stupid pose, Cat? I'm sure you think you are just headed for the Sears catalog now... or you are making fun of people who are headed for the Sears catalog. I'm going to be honest with you, Cat, you look like a total loser, so I really hope this isn't your laid-back-but-sophisticated look.

On the other hand, if you're really trying to make an ironic statement about funny photo portraits in a turn-of-the-century trucker-hat kind of way, then a. I hate you and b. you really should have gone all the way. So either way, fuck you, Cat. The hours of Photoshop I will get out of you cannot heal the part of my soul you have destroyed. But I will try, Cat. I. will. try.

Great Britain Goes to the Bums

If you would've said 100 years ago that the country responsible for most of the modern world's ideas on everything from democracy to military tradition to the world's international language would be some second-tier socialist backwater, it would've been bullocks. But it seems the once great nation is having some very serious problems apart from their Prime Minister getting caught up in a "Blood for Oil" scandal. Newsweek pinned the decline of Great Britain on the economic crisis, but the Sunday Times notes a dangerous entitlement mentality that is dragging down the country from within:

Those cautionary words haunt us now as we discover that 5m adults have not worked since Labour came to power 12 years ago. Even excluding those who are in education or have only recently completed it, and discounting those who have left the labour market through age or ill health, 2.5m have been jobless since 1997 at least. There are now 3.3m households — one in six — with no one over the age of 16 in employment and 1.9m children living in families without a parent in work.

While the recession is increasing the numbers, it clearly did not cause the problem. Those millions remained idle during 10 years of boom when the economy created many jobs that immigrants happily filled. The workless have been immune to programmes of training and mentoring. No reform in our education system has dented their numbers and repeated efforts to tighten the criteria for invalidity benefits or “sharpen” claimants’ contact with the labour market have failed.

Why would you work if you could sit around playing Xbox all day and collecting paychecks from the government? Sure, society should do something to help the poor, but at what point does it become a dangerous cycle of dependence? These are questions I don't think politicians think about as they buy votes by sending their respective country's deeper into debt.

LEGS

Daria Werbowy

Vogue Paris August 2009

Ahhh... Daria.

Image source: dariaw.onsugar

Hey, have you guys seen this picture?

I've generally let teh internet off with a warning when it comes to distributing cute animal pictures. But I want you to know I am VERY disappointed in all of you, people. What could possibly be worth sacrificing your independence and ruining your friend's day? Did this squirrel tell you to forward this to seven people or your vagina would fall off? VAGINAS CAN'T FALL OFF, PEOPLE. And can someone explain to me HOW THE FUCK THIS IS NEWS?

Fucking squirrels, people. Do you realize how many vacation photos I have ruined by jumping in front of the camera of complete strangers? Do you know how many of those photos have become internet sensations? The answers, respectively, are a lot and fucking zero. But this fucking jerk-off, THE PARIS HILTON OF THE SQUIRREL COMMUNITY, pops up in one picture with his top off and all of the sudden he gets to go to the moon and meet Abraham Lincoln. Well, fuck you, squirrel, looking mystified by simple technology that's been around for a fucking century does not impress me, even if you've conned the rest of the world.

Federal Bureaucrats Livin' High on the Hog

It's bad enough that Washington DC is riding out the recession quite well and sucking up a high proportion of stimulus dollars, but do federal workers have to continue giving themselves massive pay raises? At least they know what their priorities are. A CATO analyst found that federal wages have risen at a significantly higher percentage than civilian wages over the last 8 years, and IBD has more:

Chris Edwards, director of tax policy studies at the Cato Institute, touched quite a nerve earlier this week when he relayed the latest wage data, categorized by industry, from the Commerce Department's Bureau of Economic Analysis. "The new data show that average federal compensation is now more than double the average in the private sector," Edwards noted.

He added: "In 2008, the average wage for 1.9 million federal civilian workers was $79,197, which compared to an average $49,935 for the nation's 108 million private sector workers. The federal advantage is even more pronounced when worker benefits are included. In 2008, federal worker compensation averaged a remarkable $119,982, which was more than double the private sector average of $59,909."

Not that I have anything against public servants...hell, I was one for close to 7 years. But, I question how much taxpayers dollars have to be spent towards the salaries and benefits packages of people who figure out what color beer cans Americans should be allowed to drink.

LA FEMME AUX ALLUMETTES

Kate Moss

The Love Magazine Spring/Summer 09

Image source: nonsolokawaii

AALEXAA

I want that t-shirt!

Image source: mtv

KASIA STRUSS

Image source: tfs

BERGDORF GOODMAN FALL 09

Model: Angela Lindvall

Photographer: Daniel Jackson

Bergdorf Goodman Fall 2009 Catalog

Image source: tfs

THE GREAT KATE

Guess what? I went to the Britney Spears concert yesterday! Truly amazing.

Image source: tfs

Lucky? More like crafty.

Look at this son of a bitch. Look in his eyes. He knows exactly what he's doing. Oh, I've read the article about Lucky the Duck. I know he claims to have had an "accident" that led to him suddenly becoming famous overnight. I might even have believed him. UNTIL I SAW THIS:



Another leg problem? This time on a turtle? CONVENIENTLY ALSO NAMED LUCKY?!? This is my favorite part:

A key question is why Lucky — whose species is named for its ability to enclose itself entirely within its shell — was vulnerable to the attack in the first place.

Um, I don't know, maybe BECAUSE THE TURTLE MADE A DEAL?? This is clearly some kind of mass conspiracy organized around animals named Lucky convincing area handymen to throw something together for them in order to get into the local paper and be emailed to me. Well your luck just ran the FUCK out, you inappropriately legged, sneaky-eyed bastards. Stop trying to make me feel sorry for you, the jig's up. I heard the Associated Press just lost your fucking number.

WTF: That's Not How We Used to Do It

Way back in the "Surge" days (2007-2008), we used to do this type of "media assessment" of news coverage of Iraq, but it was mostly for situational awareness for the brass and PAO types, and wasn't meant to ban embeds. From Stars & Stripes:

Rendon examines individual reporters’ recent work and determines whether the coverage was “positive,” “negative” or “neutral” compared to mission objectives, according to Rendon officials. It conducts similar analysis of general reporting trends about the war for the military and has been contracted for such work since 2005, according to the company.

“We have not denied access to anyone because of what may or may not come out of their biography,” said Air Force Capt. Elizabeth Mathias, a public affairs officer with U.S. Forces Afghanistan in Kabul. “It’s so we know with whom we’re working.”

U.S. Army officials in Iraq engaged in a similar vetting practice two months ago, when they barred a Stars and Stripes reporter from embedding with a unit of the 1st Cavalry Division because the reporter “refused to highlight” good news that military commanders wanted to emphasize.

While senior leadership in the military want the press to write great stories about how everything is going swell, the same leaders generally understand there's something called the first amendment, and the military is obligated as a public organization to provide truthful information. If this type of vetting had anything to do with Michael Yon getting his embed canceled, someone's really fucking up. Maybe J is onto something?

Hulkamania Coming to a Town Hall Near You

David Weigel pokes fun, but I say that whenever a celebrity wants to get behind any type of conservative cause, they should be embraced. How many conservative celebrities are there? Ted Nugent, the other not-so-famous Baldwin brother, uh...that dude from Robot Jox, not many! From Guaranteed Lower Property Tax:

Dear Friend,
Have you noticed that in this down economy no-one is giving you a break? Trust me, I know what its like to be kicked when you are down but right now it is time for us to KICK BACK. If you are like me, you are SICK AND TIRED of the tax man taking way too much of your money! As a resident of Florida, I see the that real estate around me has gone down by like 50%, but has the tax bill? NO! Well, now it can. Now you can fight back. My whole life I have been fighting and this time I am fighting...FOR YOU! Me and my friends at Guaranteed Lower Property Tax are putting THE SMACKDOWN on disgustingly greedy Florida tax collectors. It is time someone stood up to them, and I am happy to be in your corner!

Simply enter your information below or call 888.331.1599, and we will share with you exactly how we guarantee that we can lower your property taxes! If we are unable to get you $995 in tax savings, we will give you a full refund.

Your partner in the fight against the greedy tax man,
Hulk Hogan

The Hulkster may have a slew of personal problems, but as long as he's not a 9-11 Truther douchebag like Jesse Ventura, I'm onboard.

One small step for me. One giant leap for you.

^^Penguins are sad. You are happy.^^

It's here. Rejoice.

Twenty years ago, in the early years of this blog, I commemorated the release of my book in a 17,000 word essay. I think it is even more relevant now than it was twenty years ago.

Click here to read this insightful piece.

Beavers think they're so fucking clever

If there's one thing I hate, it's animals that try to live their lives like high-concept performance pieces. I bet this beaver literally shit his pants when he saw this sign (which is most likely why he is not wearing pants). "Oh man," he probably thought to himself, tapping his fingers together, "it says no feeding. But the sign's post is made out of wood. This is going to be better than the time I made a dam out of copies of Salmon Rushdie's The Satanic Verses."

Well guess what, fucker? TIME MAGAZINE SAID IRONY DIED LIKE EIGHT YEARS AGO. So you are completely behind the times, and your little stunt looks more like a fucking joke now. Time to go back to the drawing board, Beaver. Next time, there better be a sharper exploration of the existential plight of rodents, or I'm not coming back.

--Do you think this is a real beaver, or did the beaver replace himself with a replica to signify the out-of-body experiences we all live with on a daily basis? Join the controversial debate in the comment section!--

Admiral Optimism Calls Afghanistan "Deteriorating"

pic from NYT

This certainly isn't what you want to hear from the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, but Admiral Mullen is not known to have a penchant for bullshit. From NYT:

The assessments come as the top American commander in the country, Gen. Stanley A. McChrystal, has been working to complete a major war strategy review, and as the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Adm. Mike Mullen, described a worsening situation in Afghanistan despite the recent addition of 17,000 American troops ordered by the Obama administration and the extra security efforts surrounding the presidential election.

“I think it is serious and it is deteriorating,” Admiral Mullen said Sunday on CNN’s “State of the Union” program. “The Taliban insurgency has gotten better, more sophisticated, in their tactics.” He added that General McChrystal was still completing his review and had not yet requested additional troops on top of the those added by Mr. Obama.

With logistics problems due to the country still being stuck in the 8th century, as well as a government that is barely functional outside of Kabul, we might be asking a bit much from our military to completely rebuild a society that was never much in the first place. Admiral Mullen's statements might be a prelude to throwing in the towel...

SUMMER, PLEASE STAY

Sophie Srej

Photographer: David Bellemère

Marie Claire Italia September 2009

Image source: ru_glamour

BLONDIE

Raquel Zimmerman

Vogue Paris September 2009

"Blondie"

Image source: modelcouture

Robbing Peter to Pay Goldman Sachs, Big Government is Back

Awesomely Awesome Graphic From Rapture Ready Radio

So, I was sent to this luncheon for work hosted by the UN and the speaker was talking about sustainable agricultural practices and how to improve the environment in rural areas of developing countries. He stated that the development sector needed to stop acting on a "Soviet Union-type central planning" model and start thinking more about markets (i.e. making environmentally-friendly ag practices beneficial to consumers and what not). If the motherfuckin' United Nations recognizes that central planning might not always be the way to go, why is the United States reverting to a cross between the WPA and Mao's Great Leap Forward? Matt Welch has an article in the NY Post about the new era of big gummint started with Bush's TARP fiasco:

This isn't about liberal or conservative, Democrat or Republican. A majority oppose Obama's policies because they fly in the face of this country's bedrock values of personal liberty and limited government. Robbing Peter to pay Goldman Sachs does violence to that fundamentally American ethos.

And increasingly, Obama administration policy does violence to European values, as well. The continent has for the last two decades been systematically disengaging national governments from domestic industries. Top officials from Sweden, of all places, complained about Washington's auto bailout, tersely announcing that "The Swedish state is not prepared to own car factories."

It's complete arrogance that any politician can manipulate the economy as efficiently and productively of the free market. John Stossel makes the point with health care that the free market is a representation of the wills, needs, and capacities of billions of people around the world, and what centrally-planned bureaucracy is going to be able to do that more efficiently? Certainly, I would argue that there needs to be government-run, central-planning models for institutions like the military (because of its unique purpose), but this whole concept that governments need to intervene in failing markets has proved a colossal dud these last 10 months.

The Ten Best Things About FU, Penguin: The Book

**Shameless Self-Promotion Week**

I've been getting a lot of emails this week from people asking me things like, "Do you have any plans for a book?" and "When are you going to make a book?!" Well, the answers are "Yes" and "Right now!" As a handy guide for readers of the blog who aren't yet aware of this HUGE development (biggest news story of the summer, much?) I have put together this list of the ten best things about Fuck You, Penguin's foray into the printed word.

1. ALL YOUR FAVORITE POSTS: The greatest hits with full color photos so you can take them anywhere and spread the gospel.

2. BRAND NEW MATERIAL: A third of the posts are totally exclusive to the book. This means you can say to your friends, "Hey, did you see that Lemur post," and they will be like "Yeah," and then you'll be like "No, not that one, the one from the book," and then they will go and buy the book, too! (Better for me than you.)

3. LITTLE TO NO CHANCE OF THE BOOK CARRYING SWINE FLU: We've listened to the feedback from fans, and eliminated the Swine Flu element of the book. This book is now 99-100% Swine Flu free - guaranteed!

4. FACTS ABOUT ANIMALS: Each post has ball-shattering revelations about the animals you can't get anywhere else. For example, did you know that penguins never use their turn-signals? This is the shit you need to know in order to survive in today's fast-paced economy.

5. THE BEST GIFT SINCE LIFE: Giving this book as a gift to your friend, family member, co-worker, pet, fellow commuter, teacher, student, or Oprah is like giving birth to that person. They will be so grateful that they may come to look at you as some kind of god that has ushered in a new era of enlightenment. This is when you have the unique opportunity to take advantage of their goodwill. You're welcome.

6. HITLER WOULD FUCKING HATE THIS BOOK: I sent this book to a number of scholars who have spent their lives studying Hitler and the Third Reich, and they assured me that Hitler would have found this book to be a threat to Aryan superiority. What's that? You didn't pre-order a copy of the book yet? YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING NAZI, ARE YOU?!

7. EXCLUSIVE INTRODUCTIONS GALORE: I introduce so much shit in this book it isn't even funny. IN FACT, IT'S FUCKING HILARIOUS. Ever wanted to know how I created this site? BUY THE FUCKING BOOK.

8. THRILLING SECTIONS: An entire ALL-NEW penguin section! Domestic Animals! UGLY ANIMALS! FUCK YOU, PENGUIN THE EARLY YEARS!!!!11!!!1

9. I WROTE THIS BOOK: That means the more copies get sold, the more money I make. Don't you want to make me happy? All I want is to make you happy. Why can't you just let me make you happy?

10. A LIST OF TEN REASONS SOUNDS BETTER THAN NINE.

Remember: it is always a good idea to lose your first copy of any book so you have to buy another copy in order to read it. Now go forth!

Buy at Amazon
Buy at Barnes and Noble
Buy at Borders
Buy at Indie Bound.

GOP Status Downgraded From Racist Hicks to Nihilists

The GOP has been called so many "-ists" in the last month, it's becoming increasingly difficult to track. Skippy tries to shed some light on what Joe Klein means when he applies the "nihilist" label, but all I can think of is German guys trying to cut off my johnson. From Time:

This is a difficult situation for the President. Cynicism about government is always easy, even if it now seems apparent that it was government action — by both Obama and, yes, George W. Bush — that prevented a reprise of the Great Depression. I watched Obama as he traveled the Rocky Mountain West, holding health-care forums, trying to lance the boil by eliciting questions from the irrational minority that had pulverized the public forums held by lesser pols. He would search the crowds for a first-class nutter who might challenge him on "death panels," but he was constantly disappointed. In Colorado, he locked in on an angry-looking fellow in a teal T shirt — but the guy's fury was directed at the right-wing disinformation campaign. Obama seemed to sag. He had to bring up the "death panels" himself.

Klein seems upset that is incumbent upon the majority party to explain to the public, which allows government to exist, of why a fundamental restructure of the health care industry is necessary. Klein is completely unable to fathom why every other American isn't completely in love with the President like he is and why the bumpkins in Walmart land aren't worshiping the ground Obama walks on. So when they can't back up White House talking points with concise rational arguments, they resort to this lame name-calling.

A very special Thursday note

Good Thursday, people. I'm sure you are all wondering why you are hearing from Fuck You, Penguin today, so let me explain and calm your beating heart. I've been getting some pushback on shameless self-promotion week, with a number of people wondering just how necessary it is since I've basically cornered the market on books about cursing at animals at this point and I'm in perfect position to eventually become the required summer reading in between tenth and eleventh grade at high schools nationwide. So I just wanted to address the concerns. First of all, while some people have expressed mild skepticism, I have also gotten an enormous positive response that has gone largely untold in the cute-focused media. Here is just one randomly selected email out of the literally HUNDREDS I send myself EVERY DAY praising the shameless self-promotion week:

Dear FU, Penguin,

Holy shit! We're loving the shameless self-promotion week over here! If you keep selling this book so well, we are all going to be filthy rich! WE WILL LITERALLY HAVE TO SHIELD OURSELVES FROM ALL THE LOSERS WHO DO NOT HAVE MONEY!!!!!

Love,

Your Corporate Overlords

See? By all accounts, this has been a crushing success. Second, and most important, I hope you all realize that shameless self-promotion week is for you people! It has always been about you people. You see, I just named it shameless self-promotion week in order to avoid patting myself on the back for doing such a selfless thing for you. You are all very welcome, and don't worry about it if you didn't see at first how nice I was being. I didn't see it at first either.

This very special Thursday edition of Fuck You, Penguin has been brought to you without commercial interruptions by FU, Penguin. "FU, Penguin: You've Only Bought One Copy?"

Are you reading FU Penguin?

**SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION WEEK**

Hey Puppy, what are you reading? Is it that awesome new book, FU Penguin, that world famous dog Advice Dog called, "The best book ever written in the modern English language?" I bet you're not even reading it, you're probably reading Mastering the Art of French Cooking like a fucking loser. Oh, the book's been around for fifty years, but you're only just picking it up now that a fucking movie is out? WAY TO JUMP ON THE BANDWAGON, ASSHOLE. You realize you are playing right into the film marketer's hands, right? THOSE SOULLESS VAMPIRES WILL SUCK THE JOY OUT OF ANYTHING.

Well, I hear the author of FU, Penguin is a street-level-hero kind of guy, and he has already turned down twenty seven different offers to turn his book into a movie, three offers to be part of Oprah's dumb book club, and eight contracts from Nike to be their spokesperson as soon as they figure out how to fire that loser Tiger Woods. (Golf? That's funny, I don't remember wanting to buy shoes from my Grandpa.) Why don't you go pre-order it at one of these fine retailers:

Buy at Amazon
Buy at Barnes and Noble
Buy at Borders
Buy at Indie Bound.

You can thank me later, Puppy. Now get out of bed and go make me a nice Vichysoisse.

MY G-D! THIS GIRL IS COOL

Alexa Chung

Personally, I try to watch "It's On" every single day to see what she is wearing. They should consider putting it on a little later than 12 though... but whatever she's just too awesome!

GUCCI FALL '09

Currently Listening To: Hey There Delilah - Plain White T's

Models: Abbey Lee Kershaw, Anja Rubik, Dree Hemingway, Freja Beha Erichsen, Jacquetta Wheeler, Jamie Bochert, Myf Shepherd, Natasha Poly, and Raquel Zimmermann

Hi! I just came back from Canada last night which explains the lack of posts once again haha It was such a fantastic weekend though!

So anyways when I first saw this, I was in love, but as I continued to look at it I found it a bit too crowded. I love Natasha's dress though! Well I guess it's pretty tough to beat the Spring/Summer ad with Lily, Natasha, and Abbey! What do you think?

Image source: modelcouture

The Foreign Policy Expertise of the New Ambassador to France

The New York Times discusses the newly appointed ambassador to France, Charles Rivkin, whose experience with all things diplomatic consists of being an executive producer of a Nick Jr. show about one-eyed blingwads and hanging out with muppets. Of course the President wouldn't appoint any old yahoo to such an important position, just yahoos who were able to raise a lot of campaign cash. From NY Times (by way of Yglesias):

As it stands, Mr. Obama could not now come close. Thirty-eight of his first 65 ambassadorial appointments were political. Even if every political envoy remaining were replaced by a career officer, the percentage would fall only to 26 percent. The lowest among recent presidents was 24 percent, under President Jimmy Carter.

For the Prez to appoint some rich guy from the civilian world to the position of General or Admiral would be criminally insane. Why is doing so with the Foreign Service a standard political practice?

FU Penguins are always FU Penguining

**SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION WEEK**

Hey Cat, has anyone ever told you that you remind them of the book FU, Penguin that is going to be released on August 25th, 2009, but that you can pre-order from Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Borders, or Indie Bound right now? In fact, I was reading my advance copy the other day, and I was laughing and laughing. Have you heard that world famous cat Keyboard Cat said FU, Penguin was, "The greatest book of the new millenium?"

Do you like to laugh, Cat? I bet you don't even remember what it is like. I bet if you bought the book FU, Penguin, you would laugh so hard that you would have to go out and buy another copy of the book FU, Penguin, available wherever fine books are sold. I BET YOU WOULD LOVE FU, PENGUIN AND CHERISH IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE. Here, Cat, I will even provide you with the links to various sites that are selling FU, Penguin:

Buy at Amazon
Buy at Barnes and Noble
Buy at Borders
Buy at Indie Bound.

Are you happy now, Cat? I mean, Jesus FU, Penguin Christ.

The Problem With Freedom of Speech

pic from WaPo

Seeing how it's a day ending in Y this month, intellectual elites with unresolved emotional issues stemming from getting wedgied by the football team in high school are taking to the dead tree media to chastise the NASCAR-loving rubes in flyover country for not supporting Obamacare. Rick Perlstein is the latest person to call folks concerned about adding a trillion bucks to the deficit crazy birther/rednecks who bear more resemblance to Ed Gein than hard-working Americans. From WaPo:

It used to be different. You never heard the late Walter Cronkite taking time on the evening news to "debunk" claims that a proposed mental health clinic in Alaska is actually a dumping ground for right-wing critics of the president's program, or giving the people who made those claims time to explain themselves on the air. The media didn't adjudicate the ever-present underbrush of American paranoia as a set of "conservative claims" to weigh, horse-race-style, against liberal claims. Back then, a more confident media unequivocally labeled the civic outrage represented by such discourse as "extremist" -- out of bounds.

Yes, it's such a shame for the powerful elite that us little people have things like blogs and cable news alternatives instead of 3 crummy TV stations to voice our opinion. Perlstein also attacks right-wing paranoia of communism in America's past and certainly there is some legitimacy to that claim. But, if there's anything that the tragedies of the 20th century taught us (the Cultural Revolution, Gulags, Pol Pot, etc.), it's that the grand experiment of Marxism led to a very high number of stiffs. Maybe it wasn't completely irrational to be concerned about the spread of communism.

The more I see the progressives in charge of the country, the more I believe that it's being led by power-hungry politicians who to seek to continuously win elections by coercing constituents to be dependent on government charity. If they are so true to their "power to the people" principles, then why is there so much opposition to average people speaking their mind?

Update: Forgot to mention that there has been no increase in security threats for the President during all this town hall hoopla.

Lizette Alvarez Redeems Herself

pic from BlackFive

I've been known to label NY Times military columnist Lizette Alvarez a moran in the past for her slanted coverage, but she has a pretty decent article in the NY Times about women in today's military. The article states that the military acknowledges that women serve an important role in combat, but that the general American populous has yet to recognize this reality (h/t GI Kate's Twitter). It's similar to the case of SPC Brown who received a Silver Star in Afghanistan but got pulled off combat duty once the press made the public aware of what she was doing.

From My Side

Reading a Doc Zero column on a lazy Saturday morning is kind of like sex or a Denzel Washington movie: it's never really bad. He tends to write in the first-person plural when referring to this side of the great partisan rift, which a tad presumptuous, but effective. This particular column refers to how the GOP can get its act together:

Republican candidates must recognize the Obama disaster as a unique opportunity to explain the fundamental flaws in the statist model our nation has pursued for generations. Obama was not a transformational figure. He merely jumped liberalism ahead by a few election cycles, and demonstrated the final, fatal absurdity of its philosophy. Republicans should take this unique opportunity to attack the horrendously mistaken, supposedly invulnerable assumptions which have guided the devolution of our federal government since the New Deal. Obama was the inevitable product of machinery that has been groaning and clanking in the American basement for decades. We don’t want Republicans to tell us how they could deliver the nanny state for a bit less money than Obama wanted to spend. We don’t want to hear the 2008 Democrats portrayed as well-meaning reformers who just over-reached a little bit, or handled the marketing effort for their programs badly. We need leaders with the courage to head down into the basement with sledgehammers, and start knocking Roosevelt and Johnson’s nightmare machine to pieces. It’s not enough to just roll the current madness back a little, then let the whole tragedy play itself out again, with our children as the captive audience.

The steady drumbeat of Democrats demonizing their opponents and even the President deciding who and who isn't an "American" is the sound of their backs hitting the wall, and there will need to be room for alternatives in 2010. But I'm a bit less optimistic on the Republicans than Dr. Zero, because like all politicians, they make false promises about "fixing the economy" with "tax cuts for small businesses" at the expense of our national security as our debt piles up. I'm waiting for the politician to tell the American people that the recession happened because America is consuming more than it is producing and the recession is a result of market-forces correcting this discrepancy. But then again I hear Peter Schiff is running for Senate in Connecticut.

You'll take Manhattan when you pry it out of my cold, dead hands

This dog's name is Snapdragon, which not coincidentally is the PERFECT FUCKING NAME for this Muppet-looking motherfucker. I was sent in this picture by a person pretending to be the owner, but honestly is there any possible way this is a real dog? And if it is a real dog, it should be taken away because it is clearly fucking out of its mind high. THERE IS NO WAY I'M COMING TO SIT ON THAT COUCH WITH YOU, DOG. I don't care how many episodes of Planet Earth you have cued up.

**This Fuck You, Penguin post has been brought to you by the letter "L"**

OMG SHOES

2009 Alexander Wang Spring collection

Once again, I apologize. So much has been happening lately that I can't really find the time to blog. I went to a yankee game yesterday btw! Sooooooo amazing! That game was absolute perfection. My friend and I had 12th row seats, which are basically the best seats for most people considering that all the ones that were in front of us cost $2000. So much happened, but of course the yankees won so that's definitely what's most important! I should probably start commenting on the picture lol, well there really isn't much to say except, hot shoes, beautiful legs, and A. Wang is a genius. Oh, by the way, I saw a woman with a Wang bag yesterday: JEALOUSY!

Image source: facebook

Slow-burn cuteness: the silent killer

The aye-aye was one of the first animals I was tipped off to by readers and, believe me, I had the same reaction you are having right now: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT AND WHY WON'T IT LET GO OF MY EYES? Months later, after looking at hundreds of pictures of aye-ayes (including this one and this one), receiving countless more emails from concerned citizens, and briefly opening and managing my own aye-aye singles bar to help increase their dwindling population, I've decided to add the aye-aye to my list of animals that are fucking bullshit.

How can one animal be so creepy, and yet so hairlessly wonderful? THIS IS DEAL-WITH-THE-DEVIL-TYPE SHIT. He's got the fingers of the Grim Reaper, the eyes of a snake, and the ears of a Pepperidge Farm cookie wrapper and yet I want to spend an afternoon showing him how to use iTunes. Fuck you, Aye-Aye, for taking your time to crawl into my heart and do some remodeling. I'll have the last laugh when you're old and ug... oh, fuck.

Greeting From an Un-American

So, I've been in upcountry Thailand for awhile and didn't have the world's fastest internet connection. But imagine my surprise to find out I wasn't really an American because I dared criticize The Obama deficit-ridden health care thingy. Rather than whine about how mean the Democrats are bullies, I'd rather just use this opportunity to morph into a caricature that has no national boundaries, like Captain Planet (but not as gay) or Lord Humungus or something. Who's with me?

Never work with an alpaca

How come every time alpacas feel like the energy is low at work they have to do the worm from Labyrinth? Listen, Alapaca, obscure references to 80s cult movies are no excuse for your fuzzy hair, your bushy tail, your fucking face. And why are you always smiling? Are you purposefully trying to make me love you?

Well you and your whole species have tried to avoid the truth for a long time. You have poor dental hygiene, you look goofy when you get your hair cut, and your small talk is possibly the worst I have ever heard. NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR COMMUTE, ALPACA. You are a poor man's llama. So stop pretending you don't have legs and get back to work.