Onion: Americans Woefully Unprepared For Apocalypse

Do You Even Know Where Your Spiked Leather Chaps and Arm Harpoon Are Located?

More troubling news from The Onion:

"Our survey of households in seven U. S. regions demonstrated that few citizens have bothered to equip themselves with fireproof suits and extinguishers to deal with volcanic upheaval, solar flares, or the Lord's purifying flame," Malthusian Institute director James Olheiser said. "Almost no one is prepared for a sudden shift in the Earth's polarity or the eating of the Sun and moon by evil wolves Skol and Hati during Ragnarok."

Olheiser added: "All in all, America gets an 'F' for end-of-the-world preparedness."

You'd think with everyone on the dole looking for temp jobs on Craig's List, they would have the time to dig out their personalized doom bunker. Perhaps, the prophetic movies coming out from Hollywood in the future (Terminator Salvation and 2012) will raise public awareness. But, not to fear! The Sniper and this bleg have got your back for properly preparing for all possible Doomsday scenarios.